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From Cantor Berman:

July / August Bulletin
Early this summer I had the honor of performing my cousin’s wedding.  As tradition dictates, we marked the end of the ceremony with the breaking of a glass.  There are many opinions about the history and symbolism of breaking the glass, most prominent of which is that it reminds us of Jerusalem and the destruction of our center of worship there, our Temple.  I used to find it curious that we insist on bringing up one of the darkest events in the history of Judaism during one of the happiest days in one’s life.  Does Judaism really teach us to dampen our joy with this sorrowful reminder?

Turning to the liturgy for insight, we can find direction in the sheva b’rachot the seven wedding blessings.  The final b’rakha addresses the One “who created joy and gladness, groom and bride, mirth, glad song, pleasure, delight, love, brotherhood, peace, and companionship” and requests, “let there soon be heard in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem the sound of joy and the sound of gladness, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride, the sound of the grooms’ jubilance from their canopies and of the youths from their song-filled feasts.”  This b’rakha speaks of more than happiness; it speaks of gila, of joy, with images of lovers’ delight.  Certainly happiness is a great blessing, but joy can be a step beyond – it can be great happiness even while fully remembering all that can happen in life. 

Breaking of the glass as a symbol of a Temple twice destroyed might be interpreted as diminishing of our celebration, but I prefer to interpret that despite the cracks and blows that may seem to leave our lives in ruins, we can live still love, and dance, and laugh, and sing, and get married, and enjoy our families, and celebrate the cycle of life despite its fragility.  We can recognize that – like a glass – life is vulnerable and delicate, yet it also offers hope that it again will hold the substance for rejoicing.  And like Jerusalem, the hope that remained alive can be ultimately fulfilled.

The glass can also remind us that the world is shattered for so many and that there are countless scattered pieces.  Judaism teaches that our response must be one of picking up the pieces and repairing the world in some way.  According to the Talmud, “it is not your responsibility to complete the task, but neither are you free to ignore it.”  (Pirkei Avot 2:21)  Invariably we will find that as we repair the lives of others, our world takes new shape.

I heard a wonderful thing recently about a wedding being planned.  The couple has decided to give back during their celebration by marrying in a beautifully restored hall, the rental of which supports permanent and affordable housing for low-income or formerly homeless adults, including people with HIV/AIDS or mental illness and the elderly.  The restoration of the hall itself provided needed training and jobs for those that work with at-risk youth, high school students interested in restoration arts, architectural students, and individuals with HIV/AIDS.  Other couples choose to donate their centerpieces to hospitals or to homes for the elderly, or to add centerpiece cards or place cards benefiting Mazon, A Jewish Response to Hunger, a nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing and alleviating hunger among people of all faiths and backgrounds.  Still others choose to purchase beautiful kippot from Mayaworks, which supports impoverished communities in Guatemala, or Yad Lakashish, The Lifeline for the Aged, which offers Jerusalem’s elderly craftspeople opportunities both to create wonderful handicrafts and to receive social benefits along with the pride and vitality they get from working there.  There is a long list of possibilities, each of which requires little more than a desire to mend some small facet of the glass.  And while a smashed glass is irrevocable, acts of restoration can bring healing to others while rebuilding a part of ourselves. 

Congratulations to Danny Kochavi and Danielle Salzberg, whose wedding we will celebrate with a sheva b’rachot meal on July 26! 

Wishing you a restorative summer,

Cantor Laura Berman 

June Bulletin:

I recently received a card that reads, “as you raise Sam to be a terrific little boy, you will find that he has raised you to become one terrific mom!” Indeed in just several weeks, and simply by going through our day, Sam has already taught me so much.    lbsb2

This evening I was helping him prepare for bed: there was time to unwind, then a bath, fresh pajamas, brushing teeth, a couple of books and quiet songs, and prayers and dreams for tomorrow. Before we were a family, bath time for Sam was not very nurturing; it was undoubtedly competent and safe but was likely focused on efficiency without intent to create a warm, positive experience.

As such, Sam has a negative association with the bath, one which we are slowly but surely replacing with a loving, fun, and encouraging one.

The thing about building positive experiences is that they take patience and time. Yet as busy adults, perhaps especially here in the northeast, we tend to prize efficiency above all else. As such, we squeeze our time and cram in as much as possible, often foregoing the quality of experience for the quantity of activity. It makes our lives hectic, our transitions more chaotic, our thoughts more muddled, and our appreciation diminished.  When we do take time we can experience that less activity can indeed offer more. It can allow for increased focus and effectiveness, for building more solid and longer-lasting results, and for better and more mindful experiences.

For Sam and me our unhurried bedtime ritual brings a distinct opportunity for sharing and understanding; our sharing and understanding in turn bring more trust and attachment; our trust and attachment bring more love, fulfillment, and joy.

At the end of each day as I help Sam prepare for bed,

I recap for us both what we did and discovered, who we met and what we spoke about, and what else made our day so special. We review the simple wonders that he experienced: the taste of a new food, the yap of a lively puppy, the rhythm of joyful music, the understanding of a new word, the feel of a soft petal, the curiosity of bubbles, the smile of a friend, the thrill of each new accomplishment. Our simple ritual shapes each day with a summary of its many lessons and blessings, sharpens our sense of each day’s value, and offers a time to express appreciation for it all. I am teaching Sam, and in so doing, reinforcing for myself, that blessings and gratitude are the foundations of Jewish expression. By taking the time to recognize our blessings and to express our appreciation we enrich our days, allowing an extraordinary sense of wonder into what would otherwise be forgotten moments.

Sam and I are blessed with and grateful for so much — for the people and process that brought us together, for the loving family and cherished friends who welcome him, and for those who have been so supportive through this very long process.

We are ever so thankful for the community at TCS that has given us a warm embrace, and has honored Sam with the first plaque on our new Simcha Wall. The phrase chosen for the wall, V’samachta v’chol hatov – “and you shall rejoice in the goodness” (Deut. 26:11) is an apt reminder to set aside time to cherish the blessed moments of life. It is a sure way to live a life of mindfulness and of thankfulness, a life that embraces a child’s sense of wonder.

Sam and I wish you a summer of blessing and joy.

Cantor Laura Berman